I didn’t want to go and see her. I don’t even believe in that honky tonk. The idea kept coming to me and I kept resisting. Then one morning a month ago, two days after the extraction and the day after Hospice had been to take the first load of donations from Dad’s I thought Fuckit. Wrong or right, true or false I needed some guidance. My stress levels were peaking at very unhealthy levels and well, I guess I want to have sorted my emotional angst out before a child arrives.
There is no evidence to suggest that Clairvoyance is real. Those who rely purely on fact will tell you that these are people who prey on the vulnerable and stupid. That might be so. But sometimes something doesn’t need to be real, it just needs to be healing.
I told her I didn’t want to talk. Could we just begin? There was too much going on and I didn’t want to influence the session by trying to give her a synopsis of it all. Let’s just see what came up.
I suppose that was the appeal at the end of the day. Not to have to talk or try to explain. To receive answers when I wasn’t even sure of the questions.
She looked at me and said we weren’t going to do a reading. (I sighed a breath of relief that I was not to be subjected to some fantastical projection ending with me meeting a tall dark stranger.) Instead we were going to do a healing workshop. (This shyster is good.) And that’s what I’ve been doing every Wednesday since. We talk. (I have started to open up.) We do visualisations. And then she gives me homework which just like school I never quite finish.
What I like about this form of therapy, because that’s essentially what it is, is that it draws on images from my subconscious mind – like waking dreams. I am a story teller so making sense of all that has happened to me through stories and metaphors seems to be working. Logic never did.
Because we don’t live in a logical world and my rational mind can’t accept that people behave the way they do. I feel like an alien a lot of the time, as I look around and wonder at the terrible things that humans do to each other and their planet. I don’t understand the world I live in and it hurts. It hurts too much to bear sometimes.
So like I said, this doesn’t need to be real, it just needs to be healing .